


We could be the same

by confusedsheep



Category: 30歳まで童貞だと魔法使いになれるらしい | 30-sai Made Doutei da to Mahou Tsukai ni Nareru Rashii (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Communication is the key, M/M, alternative ending to ep. 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:06:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28436598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/confusedsheep/pseuds/confusedsheep
Summary: What if Kurosawa decided to talk it through with Adachi at the end of episode 11?And what if Adachi learned something new about Kurosawa, something that he didn't expected?
Relationships: Adachi Kiyoshi/Kurosawa Yuichi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 99





	We could be the same

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place at the end of ep. 11 (obviously) and I wanted it out of my system before I watch the last one.
> 
> The title is from a song with the same title by Turkish band maNga that was on Eurovision in 2010.

“I don’t think you’re lying. You’re speaking so earnestly. You can’t be lying.“ Kurosawa’s not exactly sure what is going on here, but based on the grateful look on Adachi’s face, he said the right thing. He offers a tentative smile, wishing it’s enough to somewhat calm the younger man down. He’s well aware of Adachi‘s anxieties, but he likes to think he’s learned to watch for telling signs and to help keeping him anchored in the moment.

Relief doesn’t lasts for long – in the next second, Adachi’s face falls. The eye contact between them is cut when Adachi pushes Kurosawa’s hand away from himself and changes his position so he no longer faces the other man. “That isn‘t all.“

“What?“

“I… Right now, I’m afraid of losing my magic. Without my magic, I’m afraid things won’t go well between us.“ Adachi’s been avoiding eye contact, but after these words, he somehow finds strength to look at him again. And Kurosawa can’t help but praise him in his heart. The younger man must be scared, he’s literary trembling right in front of him, but he’s also incredibly brave, voicing his fears in front of a man he has feelings for. How scary is that? Kurosawa itches to pull him into a hug and tell him that everything’s going to be fine, but that’s not what Adachi wants right now. It wouldn’t stop him from worrying. So he swallows the unwanted words and keeps looking at him, hoping that Adachi will find whatever support he needs in his gaze.

“This is ridiculous, right? This… I don’t deserve to be with you. I don’t know what to do anymore…“

This conversation has not gone in a good direction and for the first time, Kurosawa feels a pang of fear. This – whatever this is – is clearly causing Adachi stress. If it was a work-related problem, he would come up with an answer immediately, but in this situation, he’s out of his depths. He can’t honestly say that he understands the details, not really, but Kurosawa is nothing but adaptable and believes that every problem has a solution. And he’s good at finding them.

He slowly but resolutely exhales. Everything he says from now on will have a great impact on Adachi and on the situation at hand. If he fails to correctly navigate through this mine field- no, he won’t think about that.

“I… want you to make a decision that wouldn’t cause you pain.” Is it hope he sees in Adachi’s eyes? Oh god, now is not the time to realize just how much he’s scared he will screw this up. “I want you to keep smiling. If being with me hurts you, we should end it here.”

The hope is gone. Fear flashes in Adachi’s eyes and then he’s closing off all expressions until his face resembles mask.

“But I don’t want you to leave just because you think you don’t deserve me. Or that I would be better off without you.” He pauses in case Adachi has something to say. For a moment it looks like he might add something, but then he only exhales. Seconds tick away without a sound, so eventually Kurosawa continues. “You said you have this-this _power_ for a while now and that without it, things won’t go well. You seem to think it’s some kind of cheating, don’t you? Would you think the same if somebody had strong empathy? Or a talent for creating social connections?”

“That’s not the same!” Finally, some expression comes back to Adachi’s face. There are unshed tears still in his eyes and he continues to avoid looking directly at Kurosawa, but there is also stubbornness, which is way better than the blank look he had a moment ago.

Kurosawa’s eyes flicks all over Adachi’s face, desperately trying to show acceptance and understanding. “No, not the same, but similar. Just because someone can do something others can’t, it’s not cheating. It’s a natural ability and I think it’s nothing to be afraid of. You just have to learn how to deal with it. From what I can tell, you’re doing fine.”

“But what if I misuse it? If I use it to get something I want – it wouldn’t be fair!”

Their eyes eventually meet and Kurosawa uses this opportunity to offer a kind smile. “The Adachi I know wouldn’t do that.”

“I already did!” raises his voice Adachi. He closes his eyes for a moment in attempt to collect himself. Then he continues with much quieter voice. “With the competition – I knew what the committee wanted to hear, so I told it to them just so that they let me have the presentation we worked on so hard. I’m the worst!”

Kurosawa watches him from where he’s squatting, obviously pondering over what he’s just heard. Adachi’s hand twitches as if he wants to touch him, but refuses to do so.

“Did you changed the presentation as well?”

“N-no,” Adachi exhales and it sounds like he has held his breath. “I said the exact thing we practiced. But-”

Kurosawa interrupts him. “No buts. Terashima-buchou is a strict person, who wouldn’t listen to anything, if she isn’t in the right mood. You just made sure she gave you a chance. You didn’t try to sell her a different idea, one she wanted to hear, just for the sole purpose of winning. You presented what you had prepared beforehand - there’s no cheating in that. And she liked your idea. Not some fabrication you could have come up with based on what she wanted to hear – _your_ idea.”

Adachi’s eyes are wide open as he processes it. Kurosawa gives him time, his eyes kind and accepting.

Finally, the younger man sighs. “I still don’t want it. It’s not natural. I have it just because I’m still a virgin.”

Corners of Kurosawa’s mouth twitch upwards, but he carefully doesn’t let the small smile spread not to give Adachi a wrong impression. “Being virgin isn’t a bad thing. Everyone is until a certain point. Or forever.”

“Who would want to be a virgin forever?!” Adachi’s quick to dismiss the idea, but his eyes shift to the side, betraying his thoughts.

“There’s nothing wrong with being one.”

“No, but it has to end sometime. I can’t be one forever. Better get it over with.”

“There’s no rush, Adachi. It doesn’t have to happen now.” Kurosawa’s still carefully watching the other’s expression, so he notices a small _something_ that makes him add: “Or ever, if you don’t want it.”

“But it has to, if we- if we-“ the younger man insists, still avoiding eye contact.

Kurosawa feels a strong impulse to take Adachi’s hand into his own, to show his understanding, to offer support and sooth his anxiety. And he would, because Adachi deserves it, yet in the end he stops himself. He may look composed, but his mind is in disarray and it wouldn’t do neither of them any good if he forced this chaos on already bewildered Adachi.

“It really doesn’t. If you don’t feel like it or you don’t like the idea, nobody’s forcing you.”

The kicked puppy look is back on Adachi’s face. “I can’t do that to you! You deserve-”

“I swear, Adachi, if you say ‘you deserve better’, I’m gonna tickle you till you can’t breathe. You’ve seen my thoughts, haven’t you? How many times have you seen anything sexual?”

That shuts Adachi up. Silence stretches between them for several uncomfortable moments.

“You haven’t, because there was nothing to see.”

The tear that threatened to fall since the beginning of this conversation finally falls, quickly rolling down Adachi’s cheek. “You don’t… want me.”

“I _do_ want you, I’m just not that interested in sex.” Kurosawa sighs, averting his own gaze for the first time. “I want to spend time with you. I want to cook for you and share my space with you and wake up next to you and I want to spend weekends on dates with you or even stay home and cuddle together on our couch. There doesn’t have to be… anything else if you don’t want to. I don’t mind.”

Adachi considers it for a long time, while Kurosawa waits, also starting to feel anxious with each passing second. Finally, Adachi asks, his voice only a smudge louder than whisper: “What if- what if there’s time I would like to try?”

Kurosawa shrugs. “Then we try. It’s not like I’m opposed to the idea.”

Another long pause passes as Adachi's thinking things through. Then he seems to come to a decision, but still tentatively asks: “It doesn’t bother you that I can read your thoughts?”

Kurosawa doesn’t have to think about this one. “Well, it’s a bit inconvenient concerning surprises-“

“Sorry about that.”

“-but I wouldn’t say it’s such a problem. It’s what brought us together, isn’t it? You saw something…?”

And finally, finally a tiny smile appears on Adachi’s face when he recalls what looks like a pleasant memory. “In the elevator, when we were pressed together, I realized your feelings.”

“I’m really glad you did.” Kurosawa smiles back, watching Adachi’s expression that is much calmer than in the beginning of this conversation. It fills him with some kind of fulfilment and satisfaction, leaving him content with how the situation turned out. Carefully pushing all his thoughts aside, he stands up again and reaches for Adachi’s shoulder to give it a squeeze. “Come on, let’s eat before it gets cold.”

Kurosawa is already sitting down on his chair again when Adachi’s voice interrupts the silence. “Can we…”

“Hmm?”

“Can we try the cuddling after this?” he asks shyly.

Kurosawa’s smile gets wider. “I’d love to!”


End file.
